I Don’t Know

There is a saying somewhere. Roughly paraphrased it says that people are promoted to their highest level of idiocy. I think I’ve reached that point.

Stuff just won’t go in my brain anymore. I have always been strong at learning on the job, getting my feet wet and trudging through the questions as knowledge builds up like the calcium and hard water deposits on my shower head. But now…I’m drowning.

Despite what you may think about my writing here, I am actually a pretty good corporate communicator. I often have people send stuff to me for editing. I can get the information across without necessarily accepting responsibility or placing blame. I tend to anticipate the questions I would have and respond to those in the initial communication. This is (hopefully) the reason I am in the predicament I’m in, being asked to take on projects that are in jeopardy.

Every other week, I have a one on one with my supervisor. Almost every time, she’s asked if I could take on this one thing. I’ve always said yes. And then as soon as I get it, I learn of a client complaint that requires investigation and a written letter of corrective action/preventative action for the client’s records. And the projects are still ongoing. So its a hodgepodge of trying to fix the thing that went wrong in the first place, analyze and document that thing, and try to learn everything super quickly so that this already angry client doesn’t get any angrier.

Enter dumbness. I just have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I am getting so many questions I don’t know the answer to and I don’t know who to ask. I have 70 emails that I just haven’t been able to look at because they all have issues in their subject line that I don’t know how I’m supposed to address. I don’t know who is responsible for what. Who takes care of Australia vs Austria or are they both supposed to be me. How or when supplies are supposed to be delivered and how that impacts which budget and who is supposed to track that and how it’s tracked. I still anticipate some of the questions, but I don’t know how to answer any of them, and I don’t even know all the questions to ask.

For example; when I was in HR, I would have someone ask about making a change to their direct deposit. I could give them the form, explain how to fill it out, the ramifications of filling it out in a particular way, and the direct impact this would have on their direct deposit including dates specific actions would take place and specific dates they could expect those actions to be visible to them. Here, if someone asks to make a change to a document, apparently there are people in several departments that this may impact, not to mention a variety of people outside the company that are attached to the project and each project is individualized on who is allowed to communicate what to whom, and sometimes it means a financial charge and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes it’s the person in my position that gets to make that call and sometimes it isn’t. And I don’t have a handle on ANY of that.

So my project load keeps increasing, and with it, I feel like my knowledge is decreasing. Tack on general fatigue from life with an infant and weak body/zero self-esteem and continued hormonal fluctuations and just be very very glad you are not married to me at the moment.

On the plus side, I lost 3.3 pounds last week. GO ME! I’ll lose a lot more than that if I lose my job and primary source of income. Better dive back into the deep end. Wish me luck.



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