Coming and Going

The in-laws were here for a visit.

In a rare turn of events, Shelby actually answered his mother’s texts! She pestered and pestered saying how much she loved Hannah and wished she could hold her again and how she missed her so much and didn’t think she could wait until our scheduled visit in April. Shelby responded that she was welcome to come over anytime. We had talked about this before of course, now that we have a tiny child, we expect more visitors and while she is super tiny, we want and appreciate all the help we can get. We did not, however, talk about this specific textual exchange.

Imagine my surprise when I get the date confirmation text from his mother (she knows better than to send that stuff to him anymore). We’ll be there March 7th – 18th!

“Uh, was that meant for us? You’re coming here?”


Honey, did you have something you want to tell me?

And they were incredibly helpful on their visit. Like, to the point that I feel kinda bad about how much we let them do. But there was no telling them otherwise. My 80 something FIL was out almost every day raking/blowing our lawn (lawn is a strong word). My rapidly approaching 80 MIL was on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor and washing laundry almost daily. We helped where we could of course. But part of the reason these things haven’t been done is because we don’t have the time to do them. We would gladly have let them hold Hannah and boss us around, which they did their fair share of also. And I think they enjoyed their time with her, but she was definitely more of a pistol this visit now that her little personality is cropping out.

They left this morning, after washing another load of laundry, making sure all the dishes were done, and hanging the coat rack back up. And so we are on our own again. But not for long.

In an effort to help me feel more better about life in general, Shelby recommended me to a friend of his who was looking for a stage manager to run a one weekend production (I would be required to start tech week and then run through a Sunday matinee). He told me he was doing it, and told me I should accept and that we would be able to work his schedule around for childcare purposes. And then we got the schedules. We were able to work around basically 3 of the conflicts leaving 5 evenings where we had double booked ourselves. It would be tricky, but we thought we could make something work. It would require a lot of favors, and trying to actually navigate the “help us out” vs “hiring a babysitter” and what kind of compensation would that be and would it be worth it for me to do this thing if we were just going to spend all the money on childcare.


It was a risky call; my sister’s wedding is coming up and who knows what last minute things still need my parents’ attention, they travel a lot in their retirement, routine eye and dental and foot appointments can be tricky to navigate. Last minute notices are not best case scenario. But it totally worked out this time. And my mom is coming to dig us out of the hole!

The weather is super awesome and Hannah loves the back porch (it’s a new place she hasn’t gotten to see much of yet). The house is pretty well put together. So unless she wants to rake leaves (totally not necessary), this should be a little more of a vacation than the last time she was here. Except Hannah is much more squirmy than she was as a newborn. And she sleeps less. And can’t walk by herself yet. So maybe don’t forget your Aleve mom. 😉



Of Cereal and Sadness

I have no qualms about people holding my child. Please do. She loves to be snuggled up to you as long as she can look out, so your back can carry the load for a minute while I soak in her ludicrously cute face.

I also have no issue with people dressing her up or changing her diaper. Again, please do! Feel free to apply creams or use 50 wipes and give her a new outfit with every dipe change.

And speaking of outfits, I will put her in just about anything. She’s been called a boy on a few moose/monkey nephew hand me down days but no one cares. I’ve even been known to allow her to wear pink. She’s warm and happy so whatevs.

Where I draw the line, where my super sensitive mommy alarm starts blaring, is where you start messing with the what when why and how my daughter eats.

Is this weird? Normal? Like, I even have to check myself when my husband (my husband who is with her all day and does the feeding thing while I’m at work) makes a decision without my expressed consent. Even the idea that someone would suggest solids or which solids or when to feed solids is enough to spike my blood pressure. So I find myself in a bit of a pickle.

We started her on cereal. It’s the early end of the suggested time frame for initiating solids. I wasn’t in a super hurry to start paying for food for her but neither was I particularly concerned with food allergies. We’d sorta kinda gotten the sleep thing under control, at least we had a routine that worked for us, but there were some nights when it seemed she was constantly at the tap. Then she had a one day growth spurt (or something cuz whoa). She normally has about 15 oz of pumped breastmilk a day while I’m at the office. This particular day, Shelby had to thaw another 3 oz and this still didn’t seem to satisfy her. She was attached to me most of the evening. While sitting with us at dinner, she kept trying to take Shelby’s chicken from his plate. She’d been showing some other signs that she was ready so I gave in and asked if we should give it a try.

Boy did she take to cereal like a fish to water. We feed her rice cereal once a day, usually late evening before bed (8ish). I suppose I should be better about measuring it, but she gets about 1 oz of breast-milk with enough cereal to keep it sorta applesauce texture, maybe a little wetter. She drinks it off the spoon and then like a little baby bird, opens her mouth for more. And then she’ll stop opening her mouth for more. I offer the spoon a few more times to make sure she wasn’t just distracted by the shiny shiny but I don’t force her to take more if she doesn’t seem interested. And her sleeping has been pretty much the same. No significant changes other than it doesn’t take her as long to fall asleep and she hasn’t had a bender night in a while.

So what’s the problem?

She’s stopped taking bottles during the day. I don’t have much more information than that. Not sure if she’s getting fed cereal during the day, if she’s getting more oz per feeding and feeding less, or if she has straight up decided she is not drinking out of that thing anymore thank you very much. What do I do? The pediatrician says she’s fine – “perfect” (they have got to stop using that word ;)) but that was when she had been on “solids” for about 3 days and was still taking her bottles. Will she grow out of this hunger strike? Is this a hunger strike? Should we try feeding her more solids? Less? She’s only 4 months old, I’m not ready to wean her. She needs to drink my milk dammit – its a crucial portion of my weight loss routine!

Babies. Just stop being weird and do what I tell you to, Hannah. You are not the boss.


Today is truly a beautiful day. The sun is shining. There is a slight breeze. The sound of birds chirping woke me with the dawn (which is actually kind sleeping in these days) and the air is warm.

And I’m at work.

More stories about the overwhelming sense of dumbness and complete idiocy and how everything is STAT and escalated and sensitive and I just have no idea how people can even generate emails that fast. So after my third call of the day in which I basically said “I’m not sure, let me follow-up on that.” over and over and over, I decided to take a walk.

Let’s just say I hope I teach Hannah how to walk better than I can. I made it about 2/3 around the loop I walk before I tripped on a root. I trip a lot, but usually am able to catch myself. But with my current new body balance issues, I instead did an epic arm flail before landing on my left knee and doing some pretty cool tuck and roll thing. So now instead of a busted knee, I have a busted knee, hip, elbow, wrist, and palm. Did I mention I almost took out two women walking toward me? And also my skirt flew up over my head as several cars drove by. So that’s awesome. Good thing I’m not still all hung up on my fatty fatness or that could have been super embarrassing (sarcasm).

And now I’m back at work.


I Don’t Know

There is a saying somewhere. Roughly paraphrased it says that people are promoted to their highest level of idiocy. I think I’ve reached that point.

Stuff just won’t go in my brain anymore. I have always been strong at learning on the job, getting my feet wet and trudging through the questions as knowledge builds up like the calcium and hard water deposits on my shower head. But now…I’m drowning.

Despite what you may think about my writing here, I am actually a pretty good corporate communicator. I often have people send stuff to me for editing. I can get the information across without necessarily accepting responsibility or placing blame. I tend to anticipate the questions I would have and respond to those in the initial communication. This is (hopefully) the reason I am in the predicament I’m in, being asked to take on projects that are in jeopardy.

Every other week, I have a one on one with my supervisor. Almost every time, she’s asked if I could take on this one thing. I’ve always said yes. And then as soon as I get it, I learn of a client complaint that requires investigation and a written letter of corrective action/preventative action for the client’s records. And the projects are still ongoing. So its a hodgepodge of trying to fix the thing that went wrong in the first place, analyze and document that thing, and try to learn everything super quickly so that this already angry client doesn’t get any angrier.

Enter dumbness. I just have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I am getting so many questions I don’t know the answer to and I don’t know who to ask. I have 70 emails that I just haven’t been able to look at because they all have issues in their subject line that I don’t know how I’m supposed to address. I don’t know who is responsible for what. Who takes care of Australia vs Austria or are they both supposed to be me. How or when supplies are supposed to be delivered and how that impacts which budget and who is supposed to track that and how it’s tracked. I still anticipate some of the questions, but I don’t know how to answer any of them, and I don’t even know all the questions to ask.

For example; when I was in HR, I would have someone ask about making a change to their direct deposit. I could give them the form, explain how to fill it out, the ramifications of filling it out in a particular way, and the direct impact this would have on their direct deposit including dates specific actions would take place and specific dates they could expect those actions to be visible to them. Here, if someone asks to make a change to a document, apparently there are people in several departments that this may impact, not to mention a variety of people outside the company that are attached to the project and each project is individualized on who is allowed to communicate what to whom, and sometimes it means a financial charge and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes it’s the person in my position that gets to make that call and sometimes it isn’t. And I don’t have a handle on ANY of that.

So my project load keeps increasing, and with it, I feel like my knowledge is decreasing. Tack on general fatigue from life with an infant and weak body/zero self-esteem and continued hormonal fluctuations and just be very very glad you are not married to me at the moment.

On the plus side, I lost 3.3 pounds last week. GO ME! I’ll lose a lot more than that if I lose my job and primary source of income. Better dive back into the deep end. Wish me luck.