Playing With Technology

It may come as a surprise that I am pretty technologically illiterate. I have fancy things that I can only partially use. I am just starting to understand how much more I don’t know about said fancy things while trying to make my child more accessible to my family.

I don’t have Facebook. I just never jumped on that bandwagon and I’m kinda glad. For several reasons, but primarily because 1) I enjoy my privacy and 2) these things depress me. I decided that if you know me well enough, you have my contact details. If you don’t, either we don’t know each other, you chose to cut me from your life, or you are from a past too far gone for me to want to reconnect. I don’t feel a need to follow “friends” from high school or camp or college. I got mega weirded out by myspace email messages from people telling me I changed their life in the 5th grade and they’ve been searching for me ever since. I got super depressed when the 1st manchild I thought I would marry posted pictures of his new girlfriend/fiancee/wife/mother of his triplets (in what seemed to pass just as quickly as it was read). The pictures of people leading a much funner life than me. The constant comparisons. A 10 year reunion 24/7 where you are constantly evaluated by what you share. Just no. (Blog irony aside.)

But I also had a kid. And people want to see my kid. And I want to show off my adorable offspring with her thunder thighs and bright blue eyes and kissable cheeks and goofy smile. So what is a girl to do?

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I tried to build a site and did so with sorta kinda success. I found out how I could bring up the site on my portable devices and automatically upload the pictures from that device. This is super excellent news for me who only just recently figured out how to email myself pictures, save them to a computer and upload them from there. I can also share the site with friends and family so they can ogle my daughter to their hearts’ content, freeing me (in theory) from the need to text a daily picture. I can write posts there as well which will allow me to gush about my brilliant Hannah without making the entire internet gag. And miracle of miracles, I figured out how to get a video onto YouTube to get a link to upload the video onto my shared site. What the WHAT?!

But with all that comes a bit of anxiety borne of ignorance. What did I put out there? What can creepy people steal and watch and use? What have I connected and logged into? If I can get all these things to talk to each other, what else is talking to what behind my technological back? I have some ludicrous thought that some crazy person can track me through my phone’s GPS on YouTube now or something and will show up at my door dressed like me and able to literally steal my identity by taking over my life. With great technology comes great responsibility. And it all just seems too exhausting to want to learn or keep up with so I’m still all safe and secure. I am soooooooooo old fashioned. Give me a phone that’s a phone. Give me a camera that’s a camera. Let me hang out in my secluded from the internet existence where I can write checks and mail letters.

Bah Humbug.

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