I have a head for numbers and my sponge brain soaks up random bits of information all the time. I can usually recall things very quickly if they made ANY sort of impact at all. Like, birthdays and the shoes I wore that made me an inch taller than someone else I hated/crushed on/went on one date with. I may not have been able to make it out of the house consistently with my phone, wallet, and keys, but I could make it with any other special documents or clothes or items I may need throughout the day. I am a theatre stage manager by choice, but it came naturally because I kinda stage manage my life. I used to have a great memory.

Now though…

I’m hoping that once the fog of new baby no sleep and new house with lots of new hiding places starts to settle, my memory will come back because all this living like normal people is HARD. I forget words mid-sentence sometimes. And then trying to remember the specific word I forget what the heck I was even talking about in the first place. I have misplaced a book of checks (yes I still use checks) and at least 2 bills. The bills I’ve since found, the checks not so much. I’ve not only NOT responded to emails, but have completely forgotten the original email happened at all. I’m losing control and I. Hate. It.

On top of that, I feel like the rest of my body has completely given up on me. Yes I still struggle physically and emotionally with the weight I gained (I know I know, give it more time [and I think I’m seeing positive trending but it’s still hard]), but the weakness is what is killing me these days. I can’t hold simple yoga poses, I can’t lift things, I can’t run uphill, in fact, I seem to have forgotten the mechanics of running at all, I can’t pull my feet onto my lap without the aid of my arms. How am I supposed to get a healthier/fitter body if I don’t have the energy to hold plank pose for more than 15 seconds? My joints ache. Particularly my left wrist. I would say carpal tunnel, but my thumb/fingers feel fine; I just have limited to no mobility depending on the time of day and how cold it is outside. Did you read that? My bones hurt in correlation with the WEATHER. I had one baby and suddenly I’m ooooooooold.

But the baby is a genius. She is on the early end of the milestones thus far. She learns SOOOOOOO quickly which is both amazing and difficult since we can’t pull the wool over her eyes at all. We sit and read books together and she pays attention the whole time. Shelby found a YouTube video of high contrast sensory play that she just loves to watch. She seems to understand light times are for naps and play and dark times are for sleeping. She knows where she can usually find food (IE if we sit in her rocker she looks for food whether or not it’s “time” to eat). She definitely knows how to get our attention.

It’s also frustrating to her because you can tell she wants more, but her motor skills (while advanced) are still pretty poor. She can roll one way but not the other. She scoots but can’t steer (we’re talking inches here, not rooms). She can reach and grasp separately, but still has trouble reaching and grasping the thing she wants. Her arms are too weak to hold the thing she wants either in her eye-line or in her mouth. She can stand up holding onto our fingers and can sit up in her support chair, but you can tell by how much she wiggles that she wants to be mobile. It won’t be long. I just hope my strength returns before I have to chase her all over the planet.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s