In With the New

Not resolutions as such…more sort of guidelines or objectives for 2016. 🙂

I would like to focus on my confidence this year. I’ve always been kind of hit or miss on self-esteem and my postpartum body has me dwelling deep in the pits of self-loathing. As many of you probably know, with a lack of SELF-confidence, confidence in everything else starts to waver. I need to work on that.

I am a good worker, I have a good work ethic, but I am still uncertain of my new role and what I’m supposed to do with it. I’d like to focus on reeeally training myself and reeeeeeally paying attention since I am no longer about to go out on maternity leave. I want to get back to the level of confidence I had when I left HR. I’d like to learn instead of learn from my mistakes. I want to feel in control of what I am doing rather than feeling like I’m struggling to keep up.

I am a good mother so far, or so I’d like to think. She seems happy. If she cries, check her diaper, try bouncing, try rocking, try feeding. One of these things will work. But this is my first go around, and there are a LOT of things that I feel completely in the dark about. How much tummy time? When and how should we start solids? Potty training. Sleep training. Teething. All these things in relation to each other. When does she need to start going to a dentist? OMG her first cold, flu, allergic reaction…I am assuming I will wade through these milestones the same way we made it through the last 2 months; listening to the pediatrician, researching on the internet, trial and error. I just wish I had the confidence that I’m not missing something. Confidence that I’ll be able to continue the working mother dance without making my child weird. I need to stop second guessing everything we do.

In addition to working on my confidence, I’d like to continue to focus on being more positive. I made some really positive changes in 2015, I need to keep heading forward and not drop back into old habits. Frown less, smile more. Assume the best of others.

And both of these areas of focus should help me accomplish my third objective, which is to be more social. We have a nice new neighborhood with lots of nice new neighbors. They have been very open and friendly with us. I have been “feeding the baby” a lot. I finally took Hannah next door to deliver fudge my MIL had made (to the neighbors that have brought us dessert at least twice, cooked dinner for us the day we came home from the hospital, and bought several new outfits for Hannah), but it took a lot of urging from Shelby, and a lot of deep breaths. It shouldn’t be this hard to talk to people. The neighborhood has a website which I have joined. In this way, I have dipped my toes into social interaction with new people; but even with the entire internet between us, it is slightly terrifying to me. I need to get over that. I need to engage in our new little community. I hope 2016 will make me a better neighbor.

And I need to lose 40 pounds. K? Thanks.

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