Deep Breaths (No Baby Yet)

It’s Friday. 11 days to close. 18 days til I’m due.

Officially cleared to close. *Huge Sigh*

That’s it. There is no stopping us now. We are 100% moving. It feels good. It still feels stressful, I mean there is so much to do for both houses and in such a tight time frame, but it feels really great to have the weight of approval fully and completely lifted.

We have a closing time set for 19 OCT. Now we just need to finalize the logistics of physically moving. We are pursuing a local company that should be able to bring one of their trucks complete with muscled personnel, load our crap, drive it to the new place, and then unload it. We’re hoping to book that for 20 OCT. Then we can talk to Lowe’s about scheduling a carpet install for the townhouse, find a professional cleaner, and schedule an assessment walk-through before we firmly decide what the plan is for listing. (Basically, we have to make a certain amount of rent in order to not lose money every month. If the assessment reveals that we will not make that amount, well then, we have our answer.)

The big worry about baby coming at the most screwy uppy time ever is mostly gone. I really really didn’t want medical bills to be piling up while we were still under financial review. Now, I just really really don’t want to be in the hospital when I am supposed to be signing closing paperwork. Ideally, I’d like for this child to come at or after her expected due date, but honestly, anything is doable with a cell phone and a snoring, suckling, portable, person. And while carting a brand new infant to the legal offices of snooty pants and prince charming isn’t my idea of the best plan ever, it would make it easier for me to be off work. 🙂

Speaking of the grand entrance of the tiny life changer…the predictions have started. I try to giggle and roll my eyes appropriately, but really I just kinda wish the random people would shut up. I have had no other issues with people during this pregnancy, surprisingly. I have been really OK with belly rubs and “intrusive” questions about my diet and nausea. I have taken all snippets of advice about how to manage pregnancy symptoms and have lapped up anecdotes about breastfeeding and sleep deprivation. I’ve been genuinely interested in the current pregnancy of another co-worker and the long ago pregnancies and postpartum stories of women with teens and tweens. But for some reason, I just do NOT want to hear about why my hip pain means I’m going to have back labor. Or the way I walk means I may not make it through this weekend. Or that my baby has dropped or that my baby has not dropped or that I really look pregnant today or I look really spry for someone who will be in labor imminently.

Yes I am large. Yes I am quickly approaching my due date. Yes there is not a whole lot else to talk about with a virtual stranger. But your predictions of my pain and suffering are not exactly what I was hoping to think about ALL DAY.

Several folks are predicting I’ll hold out til the 28th, but I mostly think that’s wishful thinking on their part since that also happens to be their birthday. Someone predicted the 9th, which is today. Thanks but no thanks. I haven’t even had the faintest breath of labor pains, not even Braxton Hicks, so I am sorry to disappoint you but I do not believe today is the day. Most have dumped me right in the 16th – 20th bucket which re: closing is the worst possible time ever. A few have joked about a Halloween baby.

But here’s the thing. It’s not even the fear of the labor and delivery blood bath ahead of me that bothers me so much. I have been doing a lot of reading, absorbing, researching and feel like I have a pretty good handle on what to expect. Not, like, on a pain scale, that I still have no idea. But I feel like many of the “stages” and possible twists and turns have been sussed out. And I have a really good husband and midwife team that I am confident will get me through. And if some of the idiots I know have been able to birth babies, well then so can I. What really bothers me is the delicate timeline everyone is futzing with. I know I’m being silly, she will come when she comes and there is nothing really I can do about that. Just saying a date out loud is not going to make it so. This is not a cross your legs and hold it or a now is the perfect time let’s eat lotsa spicy food and run a marathon type situation. And whenever she comes, we will manage and jump through that hurdle and have a way funny story to share one day when she is thinking about having a family and smiles and laughs all around. But my mom is on vacation. And I need to sign closing documents. And my personal leave calendar and disability status and stuff. And the baby’s sleeping thing is still in Tennessee. She can sleep anywhere, on me, car seat, whatever, that’s not the point. I have my hospital bag packed. I have a sorta kinda plan in place. But I’m not ready. I’m not ready in that 5-year-old-doesn’t-want-to-go-to-bed-tantrum kind of way. You can’t make me have this baby when you want. Because things and timelines AND BECAUSE I SAID SO AND I’M THE MOM – THAT’S WHY!

I have 18 days. Or none more days. Or 24 more days. And my hip pain may mean I will have back labor, but it also may just mean that I shouldn’t have walked that far that fast the day before. And rationally, I know that nobody knows and they are just trying to connect with me or reconnect with their pregnant selves from a million years ago. But irrationally, I want to hide and hang out in a stasis chamber or just sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep for the rest of time and not show anyone my flattening or non-flattening nose.

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