Miracle of Miracles

I found a pair of pants that goes all the way to the floor!

You may not think this is a big deal, so let me explain why this is a big deal.

With the exception of 1 dress, 2 pair of jean shorts, and 2 shirts (and a few unmentionables), all of my maternity clothes are borrowed. I am eternally grateful to the collection of women who donated their used clothes to the cause. I mean, they could have totally sold them or donated them as a tax write-off. But instead, they piled them at my sister’s house for her final use and to hand down to her myriad of sisters. THANK YOU!!! I SAVED A FORTUNE!!

But…

These women were all either shorter than me or thinner than me in regular life. Even if we were matched in height, by the time you add in my ample pear shape, all jeans, khakis, and even fancy pants creep up to a minimum of two inches off the ground. If you deduct even more for the height difference, we’re talking serious high waters. On the one hand, it worked out well as I ended up with several pairs of “capri pants” that I could wear to work throughout the summer. On the other hand…

I am almost there. 18 days to closing, 25 days til I’m due. I can shift the great mass of my belly out of the way to see my lower half. I cannot, however, reach it. At least not without great effort, pain, tools, and a whole lot of time. With Hurricane Joaquin threatening the east coast, the winds have picked up and we haven’t had a day free of rain in about a week. It’s soggy out there. The temperature is also dipping. Shaving has become sooooooo not a priority on “running late” mornings, my time is better spent trying to figure out how to get socks and shoes on. (Boots are kinda awesome cuz I can really maximize the arm and boot length and don’t really have to be able to reach my feet at all, except socks. Socks are a bummer.) Normally, no shave days wouldn’t be a problem. Amiright ladies? Chilly mornings = wearing pants to work! See my dilemma?

At this point, I am constantly looking forward to the weekend when I can walk around in bed sheets and not even have to deal with trying to find something I can fit around my still growing and unyielding girth. But today is Friday. And though they are far more flexible than my previous job, I somehow doubt bed sheets are acceptable for even the casual-est of casual Friday’s. But I found them. A pair of jeans I almost didn’t try on because I am so over trying on clothes. A pair of jeans without the full maternity panel I generally prefer because elastic in the middle of my belly is just uncomfortable and unflattering. A pair of jeans that didn’t seem to give much in the way of stretchy hip fabric. But a pair of jeans at the top of the pile of newly delivered clothes. And it was chilly. And I hadn’t shaved. And it was raining. And I hadn’t tried anything on yet so I wasn’t all depressed and defeated by retiring yet another pair of pants that fit last casual Friday. So I gritted my teeth, pulled them off the pile, and drooped them down toward my legs.

And they fit.

And they still went all the way to the floor.

And though I knew I’d be spending the next several minutes trying to figure out how to get my hands in the vicinity of my feet to put on socks and shoes, I was confident that my newly found pants wouldn’t hinder this process.

Never underestimate the power of a pair of well fitting pants. They can change your life.

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