Another review. Another verification that I do not need to be in this place anymore. A more fertile effort to leave.
“The consistent feedback is that the team is broken. And I don’t know how it got so broken. But people are afraid to work with you.” In no uncertain terms, everyone is blaming me.
So I shared that I have been seeking alternate employment. I was somewhat surprised at her response, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. “I’d be happy to be a personal reference for you. And I don’t expect you to share too much, but if I can make any calls on your behalf, just let me know.” Not “Please don’t go, I need you on my team, tell me what we can do for you to stay.”
Many moons ago, when the youngest in the family was clambering over the same obstacles, I provided her with advice. “Go ahead and use your connections. Email that former employer and let him know of your interest. Absolutely sell yourself as someone who wants to work there and don’t wait for them to find your resume in the position.” Within the week, she had a job offer. I completely ignored that advice.
And then I had my review. And then I had a good conversation with the eldest sibling. And I got tired of being the scapegoat. And the floodgates have opened.
I applied to a couple of internal project development positions over the weekend and notified my supervisor yesterday. I emailed the recruiter for the position to confirm my interest. I emailed a VP whom I worked with before and who had approached my supervisor about my talents when he managed the project team at our facility. I have a meeting set up with him for Halloween to get his advice for how to transition to project teams without project title history. The recruiter returned my email asking for a resume to forward to the management team. And my supervisor is making calls on my behalf. In 3 days, I have gone from staring down the long tunnel of application rejections to seeing the light at the end of that tunnel. If the 8 ball is accurate, I’ll be in a new position by Christmas.
It feels great, and scary, and exciting. It feels right.