One thing people should know about my family is this, we have fantastic memories. I don’t know where they came from or how it happened, but you can pretty much ask any one of us what happened on the 4th of July in 1998 and as long as we can figure out what state we were in, we can tell you everything down to the clothes we wore that day. There is no fooling us. So don’t lie.
Like, for example, when you told me that you started a background check a week ago and I discover that you started it yesterday. Or when you try telling our boss that I told you something last week or never told you something at all. This will not work. And given my track record and yours, I will win.
I know it has been a while since I wrote, so let me catch you up. We hired a new employee in July. We’ll call him Candy Floss. Candy Floss was sweet as sugar during the interview. He had all the right answers, knew all the right questions, and appeared to have a history that matched our needs. That all started dissolving pretty rapidly after we hired him.
He was hired to recruit. We understood that he had an extensive background in HR in general as well as high volume recruiting in the retail and manufacturing industries. We were also lead to believe that he understood recruitment under regulating agencies, such as the federal government and federal contractors. To give him credit where it is due, he can fill positions quickly. His previous employers measured his performance on how long it took to fill a position, so he’s got that down. The problem is this; while you can blame the position for high turnover in the retail industry, there is no reason half of his hires should have already quit, been written up, or are under review for termination due to policy violation. Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but these are positions I have filled with applicants that are still here.
Now I have my fair share of craptastic hires. You can’t work as a recruiter and not have a few bad selections. But the issues with new hires should not overpower the positives with new hires. If that makes any sense.
In addition, Candy Floss is exceptionally good at circle talking. He repeats what you say immediately after you say it (sometimes talking over you to finish your sentence as if this is some sort of assertive method of proving he knows what you’re going to say) only to have none of the instructions followed. When you bring it to his attention later, he will claim that he was never told, or that he misunderstood the information and it is our fault for not being clear. Sometimes, he will perform the action you just asked of him, only to completely negate everything ever discussed before.
To put it in understandable terms, it is like talking to a four year old. Something which you can handle with a four year old because they are freaking adorable. It’s like asking a lifeguard to fill a pool only to find they have filled it with toys. Then when you tell them to use water, they blame you for not being clear, and then only fill the pool halfway, or more likely, fill a bucket with water and then bring it to you proudly proclaiming they used water to fill a bucket. Let’s go back to step one, you need to fill the pool with water. I shouldn’t have to tell a 40 year old man with experience in the industry that you have to fill a pool with water. Not exactly the analogy I was looking for, but hoping you get the idea.
And so my job has turned into long hours during the day of doing my own work, and long hours in the night of cleaning up Candy Floss’ messes. Something for which he will be getting reprimanded, but then we are back to square 1 of having 80+ jobs and not enough recruiters.
Merry Freakin Christmas