Like Clockwork

I have developed a somewhat depressing sleeping pattern of late. I thought the exhaustion of getting married would settle me into a nice dead to the world sleep for a few months, but I was wrong.

I fall asleep (sometimes on the couch, sometimes in bed) between 9:45pm and 10:15pm. I wake up at 2:00am without fail. I get up and putz around for a few minutes, drink a glass of water, and then toss and turn for about 30 minutes. I wake up again at 3:20am and then for a third time at 4:30am. Each time, I am either freezing to death or burning up, the sheets clinging with sweat.

6:50am I wake up “for the last time” each morning, even though my alarm isn’t set to go off until 7:17. I stay under (or over) the covers with my eyes wide open, staring at the closet which hangs open mocking me with the same boring clothes that don’t fit, trying to dream up an outfit that won’t make me look like a bag lady or hooker. I finally roll myself out of bed at 7:27 (my snooze button only goes for 5 minutes) and shower.

My shower, no matter what I do, will take 20 minutes.

I will dress and leave my house at 8:06, no matter how hard I try to get out before 8. I will always leave my house at 8:06.

I get to work at 8:30. I get my first cup of coffee at 8:40. At 3pm, I hit my wall and trudge down the hall for my second cup.

No matter what I do, I will not leave my office before 5:24pm.

I will make it home in 30 minutes as the new Wal*Mart that just opened less than a mile from my house has caused a severe influx in evening traffic. I watch TV, read a book, or do some laundry until I get drowsy, and then I fall asleep between 9:45pm and 10:15pm and the cycle starts again.

I should not have this much trouble sleeping. I should not be this boring.


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